


Phoning It In

by Polomonkey



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Awkward Flirting, F/F, Fail!sex, Fluff, Humor, Mild Kink, Phone Sex, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-12
Updated: 2016-03-12
Packaged: 2018-05-26 08:17:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6231091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Polomonkey/pseuds/Polomonkey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gwen and Morgana have phone sex. Well, kinda.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Phoning It In

**Author's Note:**

> For a request for Morgwen phone sex on tumblr, and partly based on [this](http://pansyprkinson.tumblr.com/post/55031604281/amazign-one-time-i-was-trying-to-dirty-talk) post :) Also written as a fill for the Tavern Tales messes, mix ups and fuck ups.

“What if someone hears you?” Gwen said nervously.

“I’ve locked my office door and sent Merlin off on lunch, there’s no-one here!”

Gwen was still sceptical. She was slowly adjusting to her new girlfriend being rather the kinky type – and it had certainly come with a few unexpected benefits – but she’d never tried phone sex before. And while she might be safe at home in their bedroom, Morgana was in a public space, where anyone might walk in on her.

Then again, Morgana probably quite liked the idea of getting caught. Gwen couldn’t deny it gave her a little frisson as well, but fantasy was one thing and reality was another…

“Look, let’s just try for a bit, okay?” Morgana said in that low voice of hers that always did funny things to Gwen’s self-control. “Are you on the bed?”

“Yeah,” Gwen said, settling down on top of the covers.

“Take your jeans off.”

“Have we started yet?” Gwen said. “This just sounds like you bossing me about as usual.”

“I do not boss you about!” Morgana said indignantly. “And no, I’m just getting your jeans off now, because I know it takes you about five years.”

“Maybe if you didn’t make me buy them a size too small,” Gwen grumbled.

“Oh, but I like the way you look in them,” Morgana said shamelessly.

“You like the way one part of me looks in them,” Gwen said, stripping them off.

“Guilty,” Morgana trilled.

“Now what should I-”

“Just leave them outside!”

“Eh? Leave my jeans outside?”

“What? No, I’m talking to Merlin; he has some files for me.”

“You said he was gone!”

“He’s going. In the process of being gone. As we speak.”

“If my oldest friend hears us having phone sex, he will have a heart attack and you will pay for the hospital bill,” Gwen warned.

“Worth it!”

“Morgana…”

“He’s gone! Really this time!”

“Really really?”

“Yes! Now shut up about Merlin, you’re killing my gap-on.”

“Please stop calling it a gap-on.”

“But it’s clever! Like a hard-on but I don’t have a coc-”

“I get it, Morgana! My issue is not a lack of comprehension.”

“Alright, alright. You ready?”

Gwen settled herself back against the pillows and unbuttoned her shirt.

“Yes, ready.”

“Okay then.”

Sudden Morgana’s voice switched, into that silky smooth one that seemed to pour out of her mouth like honey.

“Do you know why I’m calling, baby? It’s ‘cause I heard someone had been a real bad girl,” she purred.

Gwen felt a fizz of excitement down low, despite the terrible dialogue.

“Mmm,” she said, crossing her legs tight.

“Well? Have you been a bad girl?” Morgana prompted.

“Er. Oh. Yes! I’ve been very very bad,” Gwen said quickly.

“And what have you done?”

Gwen’s mind went completely blank.

“I… I… I ran someone over?” she said weakly.

There was a short, strangled cough on Morgana’s end of the line.

“Right, well, that’s very bad and should perhaps be left for the police to deal with. I was thinking more along the lines of something naughty?”

Morgana was sounding less turned on and more pissed off now.

_Oh God, come on, come on. Think naughty, think sexy, think-_

“I stole your vibrator!” Gwen said triumphantly.

“Oh, did you now?” Morgana said, the purr back in her voice. “That’s very naughty, indeed.”

“And I… I used it. All morning. On myself.”

“My oh my, Gwen. You’ve been an extremely bad girl. I think I’m going to have to punish you.”

“Mmm, yes,” Gwen said, feeling a tingle in her stomach. She eased herself down the bed a little and let her free hand brush lightly against her nipples.

“What do bad girls get, Gwen?”

“A spanking?” Gwen said hopefully. Spanking wasn’t something Gwen had really been interested in before she met Morgana. But the exquisite pleasure of being dragged across Morgana’s lap and having her arse turned pink by her girlfriend’s surprisingly strong hand was not to be denied. 

“That’s right,” Morgana drawled. “Bad girls need a lesson in good behaviour. I might even bring out my paddle for this one.”

Technically Morgana’s paddle was just a tennis table bat wrapped in a scarf, because honestly all the stuff in that sex shop Morgana had dragged her to was just intimidating. “I’m the one who has to sit on it the next day!” Gwen had said firmly when Morgana had tried to purchase some spiky leather monstrosity.

They’d compromised on the dog collar, which was a discreet pink colour, and doubled rather nicely as a choker when Gwen went clubbing. Even Merlin had complimented her on it, though she hadn’t quite had the heart to tell him what it really was.

“Are you listening, naughty girl?” Morgana whispered in her ear.

“Oh! Yes. Mm-hmm. I’ve got the paddle right here. Shall I warm it up for you?”

Who said Gwen couldn’t improvise? The paddle was actually buried in the wardrobe somewhere but Gwen was all cosy in bed now and what Morgana didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her.

“Yeah, get it nice and hot,” Morgana growled.

Gwen managed to shuck off her shirt one handed, stomach bubbly with anticipation. She was finally getting into this phone sex thing. She’d always found Morgana’s voice ridiculously sexy, getting off on it suddenly didn’t seem like a bad idea at all.

“So hot,” she said with a little breathy moan, and heard a satisfying intake of breath.

“Such a bad girl. What panties are you wearing, baby?” Morgana said, half groaning.

And that was when Gwen made the epic mistake of actually looking down to check.

“Snoopy,” she said, so shocked by the sight of the cartoon dog on her crotch that it just popped out.

She could almost hear the record scratch sounding in Morgana’s head.

“Snoopy?” her girlfriend repeated, in the same voice she used when Gwen put the empty milk carton back in the fridge.

“I mean, lace!” Gwen blurted, desperately backtracking. “Red lace! With ribbons! And a hole in the crotch!”

There was a kind of wheezing noise on the line and Gwen wondered if Morgana was so annoyed she’d forgotten how to breathe properly.

“Jesus Christ, Gwen! Snoopy, of all things!”

 _Oh thank God._ Morgana was laughing.

Rather hysterically, by the sound of it. It was better than her being mad at Gwen, but really. It wasn’t her fault it was laundry day.

“I think we can conclude that phone sex is not your thing,” Morgana said when she finally paused for breath.

“I’m sorry!” Gwen wailed. “I was trying to be sexy!”

“I know baby, it’s okay. I only wanted us to try it out.”

“But you… I wanted to be good for you… you love your kinky stuff…”

“Wait, no. I love you,” Morgana said, suddenly sounding a lot more serious. “The other stuff is just… optional. You’re not.”

“Really?” Gwen said, blushing happily.

“One hundred percent. No more kinky stuff if you’re not into it,” Morgana said firmly.

“I like some of it! The silk ties and the blindfolds and stuff… and the spanking… But the phone sex maybe wasn’t so great.”

“Okay, noted. I think you might have put me off phone sex for life anyway.”

“God, sorry,” Gwen said. “I did try.”

“I know. You’re just really really bad at it. I mean, not as bad as running someone over of course but…”

Then Morgana was off again, snorting and hooting down the phone.

“You sound like a horse when you do that,” Gwen said sulkily.

Morgana whinnied obligingly.

“Don’t pout. I can still spank you when I get home?”

“Yeah?” Gwen said, resolve weakening. Morgana did have an extremely talented hand…

“Promise. Just, er… take off the Snoopy pants first, okay?”

Then with one final cackle Morgana hung up.

In revenge, Gwen swapped Snoopy for Sonic the Hedgehog that night.

Morgana didn’t seem to mind.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
